We met again
today. It’s the same strange feeling. How can we be this close yet so far?
We’ve spent more than a couple of years together but we’re still strangers to
each other. I can’t be myself to you because I know you don’t like the real me.
Yes, maybe you accept me. But it’s different from being appreciated for who I
am. I like you. I just don’t like how you treat me. I would’ve understood if
I’m just your friend. But it’s different. I’m expecting more from you. And I
have the right to do so. It’s harder when we’re with other couples. I could see
how they treat each other. How they look at each other and understand each
other without words. Then I look at you, and I look at me. There’s no us. Have
we been like this ever since? Will we be like this forever? I am aware that
that is the real you. You’re not sweet. You’re not showy. I don’t have any
problem with that, I swear. The problem is, I don’t think I want to be with
that kind of guy forever. I need something else in a relationship, something
that is not yours. It’s neither your fault nor mine. We’re just two magnets
with the same poles. We’re repelling each other. Of course I’m not sure if I
want to live without you. Worse, if I can. I love your friends, your family,
and your wit. The thing is, I think I NEED to live without you. We need to let
ourselves find the person who fits well in our lives. It’s hard. Especially
after we’ve shared so much of our lives to each other, and believed that we may
be the one for each other. At least I believed in that. See, I can’t even
confidently declare that you love me and you want me to be with you for the
rest of your life. You can say that it’s just all in my head. That I’m making
up dramatic scenes derived from whatever cheap teleseryes I watch. But you
know, I will not feel this way if you’re making me feel otherwise. I’m sorry if
I’m not that self-assured woman that can understand your apathy. I need a
constant assurance that you love me and want me in your life; an appreciation
for who I am; GROWTH. That’s what we’re missing. We’re not helping each other
grow. We’ve been together for two and a half years and we still haven’t
inspired or pushed each other to be the best individuals that we can be. Yes,
growth is what’s missing. And if I can’t have it with you, then I think I’ll
need to find it on my own. Who knows? Maybe without me, you can find yours too.
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UPDATE: We're still together up to now. And... we're now growing together. We still have some issues. I to him, he to me. But we're hanging in there.
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