A Series of Unfortunate Events (Late Post)

I couldn't think of a more fitting title.

Last March 18, 2012, Sunday, my father was rushed to the hospital because of heart attack. When I reached the hospital, he was already unconscious and was just assisted with a breathing apparatus.  I wasn't able to talk to him anymore. He was in coma for two days. His breathing and heartbeat were just possible because of the respirator and medicine. The doctors urged us to just "pull the plug" since he was not showing any signs of recovery and even if he managed to breathe on his own, the damage in his brain was irreversible and thus he would forever be a worthless vegetable.

On March 20, Tuesday, with hearts sunk, we did what we thought would be best for all of us. We let the hospital took off all his medical apparatus and signed a waiver that Papa would not be revived when his heart failed. We said our goodbyes to him but we believed, even up to now, that he's in a better place now. The disappointments and stresses of his earthly life were now gone.

Just when we thought that everything was at it's worst, something much worse happened.

My brother, just 22 years old, had a sudden change of behavior about 2-3 days before my father's interment. He started believing that he was the Messiah. He never stopped talking. He didn't sleep for two straight days. He ate very little. He was very insistent on being a Mason and studying in Harvard. He believed that he has an IQ comparable to Einstein. He felt that he would rule the world. The timid, isolated boy was now in euphoria, talking non-stop and nonsense to every person he saw. He had suicidal and murderous thoughts. Because of these, the family decided to bring him to a psychiatrist right after my father's burial. The doctor's diagnosis was that he needed to be institutionalized because he was showing signs of psychosis. After a week of observation and symptoms treatment, he was diagnosed with BIPOLAR DISORDER.

Confirming my brother's mental disorder was shocking and disheartening for all of us. I, for one, didn't have any first-hand experience with mentally handicapped people or the sorts. We did not know anyone in the family who has one. This was the kind of illness I never thought my family would ever experience.

He was just 22 years old. He had his whole life ahead of him. We used to dream a lot about how we would have a good life when we start earning our own money. Then, in just a blink of an eye, all of those came running downhill, disappearing into a black hole of hopelessness.

I miss my dad. Now, I am missing my brother. The partner I thought I could depend on in this time of crisis abandoned me. I felt a betrayal. I am mad. I want to get mad at my brother for being weak. I didn't know why all of these had to happen one after the other. I tried looking for the bad things that me and my family did and tried to comprehend if we really deserved this. A lot of things went on and on in my head but I couldn't let other people see it. I couldn't be weak because there's just my Mom and I left. I needed to be strong for her.

Jelly-Panda-Cat Attachment

We don’t call ourselves bestfriends because it’s too mainstream for us. But yeah,  in Keysi’s words, we are co-dependent. We can’t live without each other.

I’ve met Jami seven years ago (woah we’ve known each other that long??? And I’ve been studying that long? Shit.) when I was a freshman. We were seatmates in PanPil 12. Being a fresh blood, I was naturally very friendly and excited to meet new people so I approached her and talked to her, blah blah blah. Hmm bakit nga ba? A! I was obsessed with guitars that time. I just learnt how to play the guitar and it was my world. So when she introduced herself (first day class intros) as someone who plays the guitar, I automatically fixed my sight at her and targeted her. Next thing I know, I’ve invited her to be my housemate and so thus began whirlwind of experiences lathered with clandestine stories and fun-filled tales. As they say, you’ll never truly know a person until you live in the same roof. Lucky for me, she was able to tolerate the mess and laze that I am and we managed to maintain the “co-dependence” even after several years.

Kesi, is Aiza Seguerra transformed into human form. Twas my first thought  when Jami introduced us to one another. Kesi and Jam are classmates, coursemates, and batchmates but have not been close to each other until later their stay in Chem Engg. Just like Jami, we hit it off right away too. Her constant sleepovers in our boarding house finally progressed into paying a bed monthly. So we, three, became live-in partners. (I suppose it unnecessary to say that Keysi was able to pass my mess and laze toleration test, too.) Thus began our threesome.

Cheesy as it may sound, and so I would never ever ever dare say it out loud to them (unless drunk), they are the only reason I can look back in my college years and tell myself I had fun. They’ve made my horrible college existence bearable.

To more years of surprising discoveries, thrilling first times, fulfilling breakthroughs, bursting laughters, and never-ending threesome awesomeness! I love you both and forgive me for sprinkling too much drama in this post.

Sweetest New Year Message

Our only self-initiated couple vanity pics

Happy new year!

Today, I woke up to the sweetest thing le boyfriend has said so far (exagge). Keep in mind that le boyfriend is as sweet as a salt. Yes. He is not at all showy about his feelings, abhors PDA and the sorts. Our relationship is not something you'll call a fairytale. We call each other ungas, embarass each other in front of other people. I don't know. We're retards in love. Well, he has his own unique style of letting me know how much he loves me and it works for me.

Anyway, back to the message. I'm posting it to remember it forever. Haha. And as an evidence to show him someday that he has a sweet bone in him (He doesn't wanna be called sweet. He thinks it's not macho. Watever.):

TEXT I:
Just wana b d 1st 2 say i love you this yr. I love you. Kelan ka blek? My gft sau cla marvin at ung leche flan mu. Going home. Cab na.

TEXT II:
Bhay na. Hapi new yr. At e2ng mga su2nod, itaga mu man s bato, d ku cnbe. I love you at mis n kta. Wag kang mgng pasaway at papakasalan kta. Hehe. Mwah.

Note: We're in an LDR for two weeks because of the holiday season. Thus explains the texting, updates, and the i miss you things. 

I just found it heartmelting that he wants to be the first one to say I love you this year. I didn't even think about that. And for him to tell me just out of nowhere that he loves me (He always does by the way. He never responds to my I love you's but will throw one at me on unexpected moments.), it never gets old. And how about that lame proposal? Haha. It was very lame but adorable. And when I teased him about it, this is what he said: Fyi. D un proposal. Kapal ng muka mu. So much for the sweet guy aura. Gone in a heartbeat.


There. No matter how often this guy changes my moods, from i-am-so-in-love-im-gonna-marry-you-and-have-babies-with-you kinda feeling to i-hate-you-im-gonna-break-up-with-you-and-kill-you, I still love him and will not bore with the constant fightings and make-up S.:p

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

She's lonely. That sickening feeling that you get when you eat something soiled? That's nothing compared to what she feels. She's just there. Not alone. But definitely lonely. She's with tons of people. Laughing, dancing, crazy. But she's far, far away.

She wants to be with him. To ease the loneliness away. But will he cure her? Or is his absence just an excuse for feeling this way? An excuse for something unexplainable. Because even when he's there, Mr. Loneliness still creeps in.

And it's terrifying. It's terrifying to know that no person can save her from the fangs of loneliness. It's ugly. She's ugly. And lonely.