Dumb Thoughts

Four years. FOUR FRIGGIN YEARS! Such a long time... But really, what was all that about?

Some people date for a year and instantly feel that they already want to marry each other, spend the rest of their life together, build a family, whatever teleserye-ish things.

Then, there's us. Four years and still it doesn't feel "right."

So, why stay/ed you ask? I dunno. Maybe because I was hoping. Am always hoping. That things will turn out right. That we WILL turn out to be the heroes of the teleserye and not just the extras whose stories you won't really get to follow through (cause it's boring and not romantic enough).

Maybe because I'm lonely and pathetic. Maybe I'm just desperate and so afraid to be alone. Maybe he, "us", has already become a habit. You see, there are just some things in life that you don't need/want/like anymore but you just can't let go. You're just used to seeing it there, lying lifeless in the corner. There's a certain comfort in knowing that it's there.

Maybe because I don't have a sane reason to end whatever we have. None of that third party stories, you and me against the world dramas, family feuds. Nothing. It's more of internal, you know. The kind of turmoil that goes unnoticed by everyone except you.

"You're just not my prince." The fuck. Whoever says that? WHO AM I TO SAY THAT? But really, don't I deserve to feel like a princess when with him? Have my right to be wooed by him been terminated ever since we had an agreement?

I'm a girl. I'm a cheesy-pussy. I believe the koreanovelas. I believe in romantic love. Not being the man who can give those to me, is that a reason to part ways with him? Or is that just a silly move an immature woman will do?


UPDATE: Or... well, maybe this IS love. Recognizing that there are A LOT of imperfect things going around in our relationship but still sticking with each other no matter what. In spite of all the craziness and sometimes boringness of it all, I still want to be with him.