Monday 24 October 2011

Amag #2: Unsent Break-up Letter


We met again today. It’s the same strange feeling. How can we be this close yet so far? We’ve spent more than a couple of years together but we’re still strangers to each other. I can’t be myself to you because I know you don’t like the real me. Yes, maybe you accept me. But it’s different from being appreciated for who I am. I like you. I just don’t like how you treat me. I would’ve understood if I’m just your friend. But it’s different. I’m expecting more from you. And I have the right to do so. It’s harder when we’re with other couples. I could see how they treat each other. How they look at each other and understand each other without words. Then I look at you, and I look at me. There’s no us. Have we been like this ever since? Will we be like this forever? I am aware that that is the real you. You’re not sweet. You’re not showy. I don’t have any problem with that, I swear. The problem is, I don’t think I want to be with that kind of guy forever. I need something else in a relationship, something that is not yours. It’s neither your fault nor mine. We’re just two magnets with the same poles. We’re repelling each other. Of course I’m not sure if I want to live without you. Worse, if I can. I love your friends, your family, and your wit. The thing is, I think I NEED to live without you. We need to let ourselves find the person who fits well in our lives. It’s hard. Especially after we’ve shared so much of our lives to each other, and believed that we may be the one for each other. At least I believed in that. See, I can’t even confidently declare that you love me and you want me to be with you for the rest of your life. You can say that it’s just all in my head. That I’m making up dramatic scenes derived from whatever cheap teleseryes I watch. But you know, I will not feel this way if you’re making me feel otherwise. I’m sorry if I’m not that self-assured woman that can understand your apathy. I need a constant assurance that you love me and want me in your life; an appreciation for who I am; GROWTH. That’s what we’re missing. We’re not helping each other grow. We’ve been together for two and a half years and we still haven’t inspired or pushed each other to be the best individuals that we can be. Yes, growth is what’s missing. And if I can’t have it with you, then I think I’ll need to find it on my own. Who knows? Maybe without me, you can find yours too. 
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UPDATE: We're still together up to now. And... we're now growing together. We still have some issues. I to him, he to me. But we're hanging in there.

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