Dumb Thoughts

Four years. FOUR FRIGGIN YEARS! Such a long time... But really, what was all that about?

Some people date for a year and instantly feel that they already want to marry each other, spend the rest of their life together, build a family, whatever teleserye-ish things.

Then, there's us. Four years and still it doesn't feel "right."

So, why stay/ed you ask? I dunno. Maybe because I was hoping. Am always hoping. That things will turn out right. That we WILL turn out to be the heroes of the teleserye and not just the extras whose stories you won't really get to follow through (cause it's boring and not romantic enough).

Maybe because I'm lonely and pathetic. Maybe I'm just desperate and so afraid to be alone. Maybe he, "us", has already become a habit. You see, there are just some things in life that you don't need/want/like anymore but you just can't let go. You're just used to seeing it there, lying lifeless in the corner. There's a certain comfort in knowing that it's there.

Maybe because I don't have a sane reason to end whatever we have. None of that third party stories, you and me against the world dramas, family feuds. Nothing. It's more of internal, you know. The kind of turmoil that goes unnoticed by everyone except you.

"You're just not my prince." The fuck. Whoever says that? WHO AM I TO SAY THAT? But really, don't I deserve to feel like a princess when with him? Have my right to be wooed by him been terminated ever since we had an agreement?

I'm a girl. I'm a cheesy-pussy. I believe the koreanovelas. I believe in romantic love. Not being the man who can give those to me, is that a reason to part ways with him? Or is that just a silly move an immature woman will do?


UPDATE: Or... well, maybe this IS love. Recognizing that there are A LOT of imperfect things going around in our relationship but still sticking with each other no matter what. In spite of all the craziness and sometimes boringness of it all, I still want to be with him.

Commercials: Thesis and Short Film

1. Grabe lang, kanina sa Speech 199 na-realize ko na syet! 1 month na lang tapos ko na ang thesis proposal! Omaygash. Nag-reminisce kami ni classmate na dati nung first few weeks todo angal pa kami na 5 abstracts ang kailangan i-submit per week. Habang sa ibang 199 class wala pa silang ginagawa, kami ngarag na ngarag na. Oh well, it definitely paid off kasi ngayong RRL copy paste copy paste na lang kami. Hayyy... I still can't believe na kaya ko magsulat ng something intellectual (actually ng kahit ano eh) na more than 50 pages. Watdafak. Hindi ko natapos yung term paper ko sa Socio 101 and yung creative story ko sa Fil 20 tapos heto ako ngayon, payapang sinasagwan ang malalim na dagat ng thesis, patungo sa dalampasigan ng graduation (poetic naks!).


2. Pag-uwi sa boarding house, naisipan namin ni Keysi na gumawa ng super duper short film. Even a less than 1 minute film. Masabi lang. Matagal na naming pinag-uusapan ang mga ganitong bagay pero kanina syet, it feels so concrete we're sure it will materialize. Sobrang buo na yung concept sa isip namin and we're really really REALLYYYY excited to do it. Wala lang kaming cam so baka next week pa. Sana andito pa din yung well of creativity and emotion and passion next week. :)

Walkie Talkie

Keysi and I had a long, loooong walk today from UP Area 2 to Philcoa (imagine that!), then to UP Bliss.

After my class, we decided to meet and eat in Area 2 since she had not eaten anything yet today. Grabe lang sobrang dami nang food stalls sa Area 2. Feeling ko UP fair kasi puro snacks tinda. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fries contained in a paper cup. Sarap.:) And the canTEAna tea was also okay na rin for its cheap price. Btw, masarap yung order ni Kesi na Strawberry-Honey milk tea.

After eating, tambay muna kami sa uhm... football field ba yun? Basta yung sunken garden-like field dun. Never-ending chikahan again about anything and everything under the sun, moon, and stars. We decided to just walk home. Wala, trip lang. Grabe, iba talaga nagagawa ng good company noh? Sa haba ng nilakad namin at sa sobrang tagaktak ng pawis ko, hindi ako napagod. I didn't even notice na nasa Philcoa na pala kami.

I'll miss these moments. Nalulungkot lang talaga ko pag naiisip ko na mag-isa na lang ako next sem. Yung one day nga lang na wala sila sa bhaws dramaness na ko, yung one sem pa kaya? Oh well, it just feels good to know that I have people that I can outrageously pour my heart out to, without any fear or doubt. People who are always willing to listen even to my silliest thoughts (which I have a lot of).